november 27th
I meet sweet people here, they’re kind and treat me nice. UNTIL (!)… People want to be my friend, they want to show off with an orang putih, it’s cool, it’s status, sometimes it’s a fantasy about fucking a white girl. So many times I’ve got the feeling of not being more than table-company, they don’t care of me as a person really. Their interest from the beginning is not me, it’s the color of my skin. It looks cool to have a white chick in the passenger seat, it’s cool taking a white girl out, showing off at the club, at the friend’s birthday party, kfc (haha) and what not. Sometimes if knowing persons for “longer” times and I get to tell about myself, my thoughts, my person, everyday life, it becomes weird to them, sometimes people get shocked that I seem “intellectual” and that I’m well-read, it doesn’t even have to be great things, it can be things that you just know, that you experience in life... Sometimes they think my lifestyle seem so cool. Often I get to hear that white people seem more open-minded, and that is a word I’ve by now has started to take as a warning. This far it has meant that they’re about to make the move, the move when they tell me they like me and somehow the word open-minded in their mind means fucking outside marriage. I might be more open-minded when it comes to certain things, or I guess the right term would be that it’s just about the way of thinking.
monday 30th november
I’m sitting downstairs in my shop now getting fucked… I get fucked every day here, gang-raped actually, by these goddamn mosquitoes (direct translation from iban-language is fucked by mosquito, bee…). I’m waiting to start painting the walls in what will become my room, the boys are about to finish it, they’ve been working so hard today as every day. They’re damn good.
Update from the Treehouse, ground floor is nearly finished. I guess this place will open in about two weeks, before Christmas at least. As poor as I am now I haven’t been in a long time, but at the same time I’m richer than I have ever been before. I’m rich with experience, I’m rich with having a three-story high building in the middle of the town, and I’m rich in having two wonderfully crazy persons around me every day, putting a smile on my face and making me burst out in laughter and of course teasing me like hell. The latest one is about uncle… Aladin, turned out to uncle and now its uncle-din. The whole thing is about this old man down the street that told me he can’t stop thinking of me and he can’t sleep because he thinks of me all the time…. EEEEWWWW, I say!!! The boys here of course think it’s hilarious, and how great isn’t it teasing me about it… Ha ha, I die!
The days here are filled with laughter, stupid jokes, weird people and tiredness. A combo meant to make you go slightly luna, though in a funny way. So many funny situations you get caught in almost every day, like this Saturday night… We had planned for a few days we would have durian for dinner (for those of you that doesn’t know what durian is, it’s a fruit you can only buy at most a couple of times a year. It stinks really badly, after you eat it you will also stink for a day or two buy burping out the smell, the hotels have signs to not bring any durian inside…), so off to Sunday-market we went, following the smell by the king of fruits… We even bring our own container with lid with us so they can cut open the fruit at spot and put in there, all to make it smell as little as possible. We wanted to buy two durians. They’re 7 ringgit each. But… the durian sales man had a “good” offer, you can buy three durians and the third one will only cost 6 ringgit. But we only want two, it’s enough (!). And the durian-man goes, –but so hard to find this fruit, where can you find for this price…and yada yada. Never giving up. I don’t know for how long he goes on. He’s almost shocked when we say no to this. We only want two, it’s enough, what he try to do? What are we supposed to do with the fruit, two is more than enough already. Put it in the fridge? No way, then you have to throw away the whole fridge after that. Keep it in the studio? No way, you’ll be shamed when the customers come and you might lose your business. Fuuuck. What is this man trying to do? Sell it as fish-bate? When arriving to the lake the fish will pack their bags and move from the lake. This man, this durian-man, he just want to sell his fruit, he’s also sick of this durian. But I don’t caaare about your stupid fruit, I don’t waaant (Ernesto’s words). For 6 ringgit only you can get yourself hell.
14th december 2009 10:07 pm
Sitting in my room on the ground floor with 2 floors above me, somewhere in old china town… Some Ellington, some Mingus playing through my speakers this night. Jazz… Memories of a past and hope of a future passing through my mind as I write you tonight. In a sentimental mood with Coltrane reminding me of rainy streets in our old little town with you not being around. Endless wine-drinking and window-sitting. Cigarette orgies and instant coffee while you were on the road and I was home alone. Sunshine and darkness. Spring, summer, autumn, winter. We saw so many pass us by while we were together. Nowadays the seasons are only two, somewhere in old china town...
‘round midnight
I feel like writing tonight, but there is no ink in my pen and my mind is blocked by some outer space microwaves. I’m in love, but I don’t dare to be, or yes I do, I’m just a bit unsure... Makes me think of old times and how I wish it could be. I’m happy but never satisfied, stuck in endless discussions with myself. My mind is like a free-jazz song going on for 34 and a half minutes and its set on repeat. Like a mix of Sun Ra and Thelonious Monks mind. I love you like a fat kid loves cake!
Traaaaagedyyyy, haha, Hanoi Rocks started playing through my speakers just now. Wow, I almost forgot about this song. So good! “Well the music’s slowly dying and I’m jumping out off my jeans, I jump into the bed you lye already there waiting for me, ain’t this the perfect way to spend the night, there are no better way of killing time than loving good…” haha, so good! It has been a Finnish evening, I watched Talvisota, a movie about the finnish winter war between finland and Russia, then I listened to my old time favorites’ Satumaa and Juice Leskinen and now Hanoi Rocks, yey!
Last night was wine, tonight I’m having tea though I’m thirsty for some more wine but I don’t want to open a whole bottle when I’m alone. Those days are over… But if I had some stinky cheese there would be no question about opening it, goddamn that would be nice. Stinky cheese, olives, grapes and wine, maybe some dark chocolate, yeeeaaaah baby! Europe, come visit me for a little while. I could consider having a little sip of vodka as well with some caviar and sour-cream, mmmm....Marabou would also be nice. (jag har mens). But you can’t guess what I’m about to have, maggi-mee noodles, haha, and its coming to me delivered by two borneo-men. What a lucky girl I am. Later!
Tonight I want to say to you guys, listen to the version of I put a spell on you by Them.
