reflections...

Been quite some time since i wrote anything at all here. Almost two months. Been hectic since the opening of Threehouse, a lot to learn, but most came just naturally, a lot of work and quite a lot to think about since i am here alone. Many different nationalities has already stayed here and many persons has become memorable. I can see that different countries have certain ways of acting, without saying people are different from country to country, but i can see different ways of behavior and being social and of course from there people have different personalities.

i have been happy lately, i have succeeded to actually do something in life, and i would like to think it is quite of a big thing. thanks to having such a wonderful person as ernesto helping me out i have come more far in 1 year of my life than struggling back and forth for years in depression. i have learned that i can do, and that i dont necessarily need to fail.




Labour-day... tiny tiny raindrops falling from the sky, like the mist from a spray-bottle, the wind catches it and blows it onto my skin. Cooling.


Not the best morning in life to wake up, i woke up late from probably turning off the alarm in my sleep since i did set it before bed last night. i was supposed to wake up at 5am, E was going fishing but instead i woke up at 7.30. Fail. i hope he went anyway and caught a lot of fish and enjoyed his day , he didnt say anything this morning...

i had a hard time falling asleep last night even though i need every minute of sleep i can get. i was up for a long time listening to the footsteps of the guests walking back and forth on the wooden floors upstairs. it was as if they were louder than ever before, penetrating my ears together with my mind and body that has been bubbling and sparkling with love and a dash of anxiety. i feel like i want to say something, i think its understood already, but i feel like i need to say it, express and explain my feelings, hopefully without making a mess. and that is what im afraid of. i would like to ask something...


Earlier this week i was suppose to get a guy working here but it didnt happen, ernesto explained to me though that he had been watching him and saw that he was actually quite lazy and also not so very good in english so in the end it would have been just a waste of time and money. even though i get a worker i will stay here on spot most of the time. hopefully i get just a little bit more of sleep and maybe some time to myself going outside the building. hehe, after not going outside for 2 months it starts messing with your head a little if you get a bit tired and weak (especially when catching a cold and getting fever at the same time), the combo is just strange and a bit scary since you are dealing with people, money, bookings... but i went through it! :) and what was the saying... what doesnt kill you, makes you stronger. last night ernesto told me that there are 2 girls coming here to work for two months. one will be put in tracks and one here. we were looking for a guy to put here actually but it has to work for now. ernesto made fun of the fact that it is a girl and the very local way with girls here so i will become "sister", my god(!), haha. i know about it too well already, a bit strange but flattering the first time it happens but when it becomes more frequent its just, i dont know what it is. i say, -girl, i aint your sistah, im your boss lah. hehe. i hope it will work out, yup it will, just keep the line....

it is like 28 days until my mom and brother gets here. quite exciting. i hope i can bring my mom out a little. i promised to bring her to massage, hopefully i could bring her together with ernesto and maybe some of the other guys. i know she would love that. ernesto means a lot to her.

if today was in normal life it would feel like a sunday... im finishing the chocolate ice-cream me and E was sharing last night, feeling a bit down of the failure this morning, the street is quiet outside, threehouse is quiet, all the guests went out except for the guys of the italian and swedish couple.

maybe i go clean a little.

Happy Birthday to me and Threehouse

the best and biggest birthday and opening. i love us THREE, i love ernesto for helping me out and making me believe in myself, my dreams and that i am capable of doing whatever i want in life.

(mamma, klicka på bilderna så ser du hela bilden)




the THREE
i had no idea they had a cake for me, i do not understand how they hide it for me






ernesto and i

To mom

Hej mamma. Här är lite bilder på hur det ser ut nu. Jag hoppas att du kan komma o bo här snart med mig. Kram.

Three

Threehouse is about to open for the public. This whole project has been a journey in all kinds of ways, mentally, physically... Sometimes i have wondered what on earth did i walk into, sometimes i have felt so freaking alone, sometimes i have cried, both of happiness and being sad, sometimes i have been so excited imagining about this place being finished. This is a very big step in my life. We all grow and shape into different persons in life, we fall on our way and there are many paths to walk but there is only one present life. I feel like i am on a good path now... I still remember how we put that first paint on the wall here and i started rolling the roller on the walls, through the corridors, i can remember how many times some of the walls have been repainted, haha, gosh. Gone shopping air-conds, beds, plywood, lists, balls, sunflowers and what not with ernesto and robin, i have learned a lot about watching the guys do construction, tried helping out with assisting and run for tools i did not even know existed before this. I have learned through elvin the electrician how i should face someone working for me and hopefully i can put that into practise more when the next time comes around. I have grown quite a lot through this time of construction. I have dealt with facing my inner demons, i have accepted that i can not go living in the past (im sure i will have some more downs in the future but if i compare myself dealing with it now with then and i have come much more mature), i have learned that i have two very precious people around me putting a dream of mine into reality. This project could not have been done without the guys, days and nights they have spent their time here working. I want to say that these are my dear friends. It has been us Three here together from the start and so it will be... i love this, the guys, i love Threehouse...because Borneo, is my hooome :D

progress

So i haven't really been updating that much about the construction here and how it's going so i thought of putting up some pictures for you...


this is the communal room which is more or less finished. now its just putting up some curtains and pictures on the walls...


this is the entrance and how it looks like now. these orange doors will be put aside completely when opening.

this is part of how the lobby looks like, almost done. just some pictures a mat and stuff that will be put up... and a cover for the elctric thingy on the wall will be built, because its damn ugly relaxing your eyes on that at the moment. hehe

chop chop

Yesterday i went to indonesia again, my second time now. everything went smooth but i cant help getting this nervous feeling of going through the borders. even though the risk of getting neglected of coming back aint too high there could be a chance. the officer at the indonesian border said maybe next time i have to stay a night there. i dont want. then i rather fly somewhere else and stay since i guess i will be doing it alone.

after the border we went to the border town serian for kolo mee lunch and then the guys went fishing a few hours, when coming back to kuching we went for foot and body massage which was definatly something i needed for a time now. unfortunately i fell asleep in a very bad position last night and could hardly move my neck when i woke up this morning, so typical hehe.

its been some really nice days here with the starting of the new year. been spending them with robin and ernesto which has been nice. we have been eating good food (and lots of oranges), taking it easy...

the church bell is ringing 6pm now and the dogs are howlin. one hour left until darkness. i better go to the atm and take out that last hundred bucks and have something to eat... later!

Touching up, it's a new start

Just some minor things to fix before Threehouse is about to open. Touch ups here and there, finish the shower downstairs, waiting for the last (for this time) delivery of things as kitchen cabinets and such, touching up a bit here and there, do decoration and clean and clean and clean... Tomorrow will be a lot of cleaning to do, tonight after painting the wall (of hell) to the top floor i just had the energy to clear away stuff and boil some pasta for dinner ´til my head felt slightly numb and i decided a night of sleep and an early wake-up to do the mopping of the floors will be better.

On the 14th i can't do any sort of work since it is chinese new-year. It is bad luck cleaning and such during this day, it's like sweeping away your luck sort of and you must also put away your brooms and whatever out of sight, you can also not go to sleep this day, night. So it is a lot to do before this in cleaning way, i have also noticed how the chinese in my neighborhood are preparing for the new-year by painting their facade and cleaning, it is quite a nice feeling with it. It's so far away from what it is back in sweden-home. This year i think i will by some oranges to decorate with, it is like a luck symbol, like gold for fortune and good luck in the coming year which is the year of the tiger. Red is also a color to be used during this time of the year (the chinese new year is celebrated for 15 days if i remember it correct), it is a lucky and happy color which is also believed scaring away bad spirits like the mythological beast called Nien that comes around during spring time, new year to scare especially children and it is said that Nien was once scared away by a child wearing red. There are many legends about the Nien. One is that it was caught by by Hongjun Laozu - the leader of the Taoist Immortals and teacher of the Three Purities. Hongjun Laozu – whose name means "The Great Primal Homogeneity" – then uses the (former) monster as his mount, i.e. rides it as one would a horse.

one type of a Nien statue

The new year is supposed to be a new starting, so many people get new clothes and many girls go the hair-dresser, it is impossible getting appointments at this time, i have saved one red dress i never wore before which i think i will wear one of these nights and i will go and by some new cheap red tops and maybe a new pair of jeans for me so i don't necessarily have to wear black. i would also like to put up a couple of lanterns or chinese welcoming scripts on paper for good spirits and paint my facade in red but if there is time doing so i don't know. And you never know if the rain decides to pour down a whole day...

Anyway, time to sleep. It's a whole day of work waiting for me... good night 晚安