despite the fact that i hate elvin it was an ok day. the boys came here with lots of decoration thingys they had been out shopping for the place and everything was really nice, when i heard the sound of the drapery that will be put in the lobby windows i got as excited as a kid opening christmas gifts. and the pillows, i love pillows! :) i must admit i was a bit sad not able to follow them shopping but ya ya... he he. hopefully next time. the boys were here the whole day and evening until night time and it felt very good. i like when they are here, it feels slightly more alive here and i can talk and laugh together with them. i like! tomorrow i get to go outside. they are going out with the boat and i will follow them just to get some fresh air and do my studies at the dock. nice.
im sleepy. good night.
söndag 10 januari 2010
lördag 9 januari 2010
I hate!!!
Elvin is being a snake, hes asking questions im suuure Mr.D has asked him to check for him. I found out Elvin is doing work at his place at the moment aswell. And elvin got a fucking attitude, hes being cocky and arrogant, acting cool to me, but he looks like fucking porridge. He has the nerve walking into my room and look at my stuff, make comments on pictures i have of my family. Make comments on my incense and what not. i felt or feel like fucking punch him in the face, stab him in the leg with my pencil. I hate elvin!!
Good morning.
Good morning.
fredag 8 januari 2010
Longing for company. sällskapsjuk as fukk!
im so bored and i feel slightly alone. i have conversations with myself and youtube is my best friend. pffft
Fridays child
Freedom is where you think it is... he he.
it's a good day. the rain came, the rain passed and the sun spread it's light over me today.
Elvin was here, did the shower-heater points downstairs and left. i took a walk down carpenter street and had myself a drink (normal drink, non-alcohol) in the sun, smiled at some faces in the shops, feeling good.
haha, i can't stop thinking about this thing... a chinese electrician singing in Iban, haha. so unexpected, it happened to me when i was listening to the local radio a couple of weeks ago and elvin said, "oh, you listen Iban radio, then you can learn and marry iban" (the chinese accent is very important here), i had to hold myself from laughing and i managed with a wide smile until(!) he starts singing along with the music. i die! haha. what the hell.
now time for mopping the tiles in the kitchen... waiting for the boys... i get a bit bored when they are not around... hee
it's a good day. the rain came, the rain passed and the sun spread it's light over me today.
Elvin was here, did the shower-heater points downstairs and left. i took a walk down carpenter street and had myself a drink (normal drink, non-alcohol) in the sun, smiled at some faces in the shops, feeling good.
haha, i can't stop thinking about this thing... a chinese electrician singing in Iban, haha. so unexpected, it happened to me when i was listening to the local radio a couple of weeks ago and elvin said, "oh, you listen Iban radio, then you can learn and marry iban" (the chinese accent is very important here), i had to hold myself from laughing and i managed with a wide smile until(!) he starts singing along with the music. i die! haha. what the hell.
now time for mopping the tiles in the kitchen... waiting for the boys... i get a bit bored when they are not around... hee
Fresh
I had my first hot shower in this building tonight. I showered two times. ha ha. and i feel so good. so fresh and relaxed now. it's so easy to take things for granted as an example, sweden, hot showers, washing/machine, dryer... i've done my laundry by hand since august and let it sun dry. and tonight i had my first hot shower in this building. i sat in the shower until i got raisin fingers and i felt like i was about to faint. i scrubbed my body twice, i brushed my teeth twice and flossed aswell. it feels like i got to wash off a lot of mental stress and the bad energy ran down the drain. i feel good. like a mental blockage was stuck on my skin, i did not feel very beautiful anymore, but its like i blossomed out again. i want to fall asleep and wake up to a new day. seeing you.
maybe some things happen by a reason. i got a wake up call the other day. i fell like from a cliff down on rocks. it hurt like hell. i was going down with my thoughts deeper to the darkness, that point where i have always fell down like before and become a tyrannic monster against myself. but before i got too deep even if i was deep enough i got slapped in my face and realized the outer world which also was getting affected. this is the first time i ever got out of it this quick. i'm sad for what happened and i'm scared i got more far from someone that has become precious, someone that has offered me everything and more than that. but this person is still there, here and i can't express how thankful and happy i am. maybe there was a reason. i would like to see it as a wake up call where i don't need to look back anymore, just live in that happiness i can with these persons around me, no more need for worries...
i'm sitting in the late night yet again and i feel its time for sleep. i feel peace tonight.
maybe some things happen by a reason. i got a wake up call the other day. i fell like from a cliff down on rocks. it hurt like hell. i was going down with my thoughts deeper to the darkness, that point where i have always fell down like before and become a tyrannic monster against myself. but before i got too deep even if i was deep enough i got slapped in my face and realized the outer world which also was getting affected. this is the first time i ever got out of it this quick. i'm sad for what happened and i'm scared i got more far from someone that has become precious, someone that has offered me everything and more than that. but this person is still there, here and i can't express how thankful and happy i am. maybe there was a reason. i would like to see it as a wake up call where i don't need to look back anymore, just live in that happiness i can with these persons around me, no more need for worries...
i'm sitting in the late night yet again and i feel its time for sleep. i feel peace tonight.
torsdag 7 januari 2010
Fail!
Reading through my blog and i dont like the fact that something i wrote before didnt come out the way it was supposed. Or the writing was right, but what i meant and felt came out wrong in an attempt of describing how past can make you scared feeling for something new, even if its not necessary. but memories of as in this case a relation with a man make you think of how much it came to cost... Even i misunderstood it just now. Jaja... FAIL!
Last night i think i slept better than i have in a long time. My dreams took me places where i could feel peace. I was by the water, i was in the deep jungle and at the same time i was lying down in that same position i fell in sleep holding you.
Tonight i listen to a song i dont know the name of. This song has come to mean quite some for me. This song is 12 floors above the ground, this song is meeting you, this song is throwing paper planes out into the night, watching the white silhouettes fly like contrasts in the dark, this song is hide and seek behind beds, this song is love and peace within myself, this song is dreams and belief, this song is you, this song is you and me in the car, this song is me feeling happiest in the world yet so scared i want to burst out in tears asking myself what if i dont come back again. This song is us kissing good-bye, this song is that i came back and i made it. this song is that im here and so are you.
And the tunes are going jazzy... Moon dreams with Miles Davis. ah its nice and so is Thelonious Monk´s Ruby, my dear. I dont know who Ruby might have been, but its a beautiful song by a fantastic jazz-pianist and composer.
I remember how i used to sit and listen to these records all nights long. Pointing out my favourite parts and dream away to other places, pretend my world in black and white as from an old movie, pour up my glass with wine and enjoy a dream of getting away before "the ghosts would drag me down that hole" (early writing i still have in my head). And where am i know? Im so far away, i got to the other side of the earth, but it aint in black and white. Its very colorful and its here, right now, every heartbeat is red because this is real. A dream yet unfulfilled is that piano, the day i can get myself a piano, that day... wow. hee hee. Bindi, very happy.
And thats all for tonight folks. i leave you with a little piece of one of the best documentaries of Monk i watched some years ago... (if it seems interesting you can watch the other parts on youtube)
Last night i think i slept better than i have in a long time. My dreams took me places where i could feel peace. I was by the water, i was in the deep jungle and at the same time i was lying down in that same position i fell in sleep holding you.
Tonight i listen to a song i dont know the name of. This song has come to mean quite some for me. This song is 12 floors above the ground, this song is meeting you, this song is throwing paper planes out into the night, watching the white silhouettes fly like contrasts in the dark, this song is hide and seek behind beds, this song is love and peace within myself, this song is dreams and belief, this song is you, this song is you and me in the car, this song is me feeling happiest in the world yet so scared i want to burst out in tears asking myself what if i dont come back again. This song is us kissing good-bye, this song is that i came back and i made it. this song is that im here and so are you.
And the tunes are going jazzy... Moon dreams with Miles Davis. ah its nice and so is Thelonious Monk´s Ruby, my dear. I dont know who Ruby might have been, but its a beautiful song by a fantastic jazz-pianist and composer.
I remember how i used to sit and listen to these records all nights long. Pointing out my favourite parts and dream away to other places, pretend my world in black and white as from an old movie, pour up my glass with wine and enjoy a dream of getting away before "the ghosts would drag me down that hole" (early writing i still have in my head). And where am i know? Im so far away, i got to the other side of the earth, but it aint in black and white. Its very colorful and its here, right now, every heartbeat is red because this is real. A dream yet unfulfilled is that piano, the day i can get myself a piano, that day... wow. hee hee. Bindi, very happy.
And thats all for tonight folks. i leave you with a little piece of one of the best documentaries of Monk i watched some years ago... (if it seems interesting you can watch the other parts on youtube)
tisdag 5 januari 2010
the raindrops are diamonds...
...and they are sparkling in the night. and tonight i can feel fresh air going through my lungs. my thoughts are purified. i feel whole.
i dont care what anyone thinks of my music choice tonight, its robbie williams - feel and kylie minogues - i believe in you. haha, there you go, right in your face. i dont care!! cause im a cool cat with a castle in the alley.
i dont care what anyone thinks of my music choice tonight, its robbie williams - feel and kylie minogues - i believe in you. haha, there you go, right in your face. i dont care!! cause im a cool cat with a castle in the alley.
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