Ladies and gentlemen, i am happy. For a time i have been waking up next to my man, for some mornings i've made coffee to my husband. And to meet those smiling eyes open makes me look forward to another day, life is great, together with you.

some time pass midnight

the tiredness hasn't got less. today has been headache and what not. yesterday i started with some handicraft. thought it would be stress relieving and make me have my anger under control. now i'm obsessed. i'm making a rug for my room. it has the colors red, pink, brown, yellow and black.

the dogs are running up and down the street in their pack again. they are beautiful. there is a couple of them that looks like giant muscles. strong hunters. they run the street at nights, looks at me when passin by. in the early morning you can see one of them sort of running home after a late night out. as if he was in a hurry back before getting caught.

i was sitting at my usual spot the other evening, wishing myself a puppy, a dog to guard my side as a dog actually came to me. it started sniffing around at the front of the shop. circling around me and the table. walking up and down the front for a while before it set off again. very cute this one.

i'm sitting and waiting to close now. someone still using the laptop... i'm yawning...

it's really cool today. has been raining quite heavy today and now it strted again. burr. Feels like the temperature must have dropped to atleast 25 celcius/ i want hot cocoa, a blanket and a hug.

been a weird month now. business wise i guess it's been alright, but personal... My god it sucks! crap de luxe!

i'm packing....

3 floors in China Town

- i got poo-water to my armpits for god sake.

the doorbell rings and the washing machine starts playing that ridiculous melody telling it is ready.
its the last couple checking-in today, a young couple from hong kong just getting a great 1st impression of the owner aka manager wearing pink rubber gloves reaching her elbows.

-welcome to borneo, i grin.

after four months of having the guesthouse running with two floors we just opened and finished our rooms on the 3rd, just in time for the check-ins. My brain has been out of control and the tiredness has had its effect on my body and mind, obviously my mood aswell... But still standing and smiling at the guests even though my head is spinning and from time to time feeling i might actually fall.
After the first hectic time of getting used to a third floor and it's starts settling in my mind and work and i can feel i have everything under control, the 1st floor bathroom gets blocked. Panic, nothing works. The whole day i try fix it without any luck. It's poo water to the edge of the toiletbowl, the smell is awful and i gag more times than i could count. And since i'm alone i'm working with poo, checking-in people, being a tourist guide, answering the phone, answering the door at the same time. wohoo. But i made it! goddamn i made it, so that poo on the floor last night since someone obviously missed the toilet bowl wasn't too bad. haha, ok poo is always bad, clean after yourself! damn pratt!

Again, sunday.

One week later, i'm having headache everyday, i'm on ephedrine which makes me wanna puke and sleep, antibiotics, headache pills, sleeping pills (which i haven't been able to try yet, maybe i make a collection for next time...). Tomorrow my lab-results should be ready so i'm off to the doctor again, yey... Then we are supposed to discuss further about pills pills pills.

Sunday

My mind is a restless place today. I feel so unsatisfied with everything. Business is good, i have a new worker and everything (sort of) is fine. I feel like screaming really loud or go horseback riding in the mountain fields, get lost or something...

singapore weekend

a weekend off, in love

I just came back from Singapore. I spent two nights there at Sentosa Island - Resort World together with my evil E. If i could put this weekend into one short sentence it would be: life is great!

So on friday the 14th of may me and ernesto headed to the air-port in kuching, flying off for the first time together. Just that in itself felt a bit strange, almost a bit scary but exciting. ho ho. We have never gone anywhere just the two of us so that was an experience in itself. And how great it ended up being....

In singapore we headed for sentosa island-resort world where we would spend our weekend at the casino, universal studios, shopping and what not. We checked in at hard rock hotel, where we headed for the bar and bought us a beer each and cheered before checking out our room (487) which was really nice with a view of the water. Everything so clean and nice since it just opened. The room itself invited for some romantic action, hee hee.

Later that night it was time to enter the casino, i never (!!) go to a casino before so i was very excited but a bit nervous at the same time. To get to the entrance you first need to take this long long escalator downstairs and this music is playing in the background at the same time which sound sort of a theme song to a movie, so going in the escalator makes you feel like you are in a movie starring yourself with these nice lights shifting in color....

At the entrance you must first show your passport and after that me and evil e became members at the casino as well (hee hee i got a member card with my picture on it), you can collect points and stuff for like hotels and such at the resort...

Entering the massive hall was quite an experience, i felt like giggling and clung on to ernesto. we headed for the roulette tables and from starting out with almost nothing i can tell you everything this weekend was paid for and far more than that, i never seen so much money in my life. hahaha. A number was tripled, it came up 3 times in a row. what are the odds for that!? haha. I can get used to visiting casinos, it was a strange world, dangerous but oh so fun...

And this weekend i have felt so beautiful, i have felt like a princess, or more like a queen. Being together with my favorite man treating me like i never been treated before...
On saturday morning we woke and headed fir the universal studio where we walked around and took rides until we couldnt take it no more. haha. and it was great fun. we ate good food, we took a lot pictures and i got to do this with the man who means most to me makes everything perfect. After we went back to the room where we had a short nap before going to the city by cab for some shopping at orchard street....

and i couldnt help but laugh and tell ernesto how fun it felt to be this girl with a wealthy man buying me whatever i wanted. i ended up with a beautiful dress from Warehouse (i got a killer ass in it) and a necklace from topshop. ernesto bought some nice shirts for himself at topman. we were actually quite exhausted so after our shopping we just headed back to the island and had a rest before getting ready for some more gambling. And my god we looked good! me in my new dress, shining gold... ernesto hot as usual wearing one of the new shirts. i love the look and feeling of us together and i can say people has given us quite some eyes this weekend at the resort. :D

i love this weekend and i can live on this for a long long long long long time. to go away for a couple of nights, to spend some time with evil e...

and i finally got the courage to say those words i maybe not necessarily would have to say because i hope what i mean is felt, but i just had to have it said. and it felt wonderful doing so. small, tiny words but with everything i feel.


life is good and im in love


(i will put up some pictures from the weekend here or on facebook later)

cute goes crazy

i heard this funny thing, quite flattering actually. a guy from stockholm told me the other night as i was checking the e-mail before going to bed that i'm always cute and very cute when i sort of "make" myself cute, but it was when i was as natural as i can be and not thinking that i almost look a bit crazy and that was just the way it's supposed to be and that he likes the most about me. hahaha

in love on a peaceful night

From full house to a few, some time for myself and a chance to get some rest....

been cleaning today. had a check-out at 6am, and from there it has been laundry, laundry, laundry and finally i got to vacuum-clean the floors and i mopped the ground floor twice. :) So satisfying.

I'm in love with life and feelings.. listening to Santo & Johnny - sleep walk, moonlight serenade, put your head on my shoulder (...) and other artists and oldies and covers performed by so many. and i feel in love watching out from behind the counter through the window out on the street, waiting for a familiar face to ride up with his white stallion and look at me... hee hee. girly.

outside the window, a dingo with hunter eyes running up the street...


i saw a picture from the streets in stockholm last night. it was a picture of a mother with her child, the background of the citys gray facades, and i felt like i wanted to be her. last summer i spent some time with the girls and we talked about what we never dreamed of a few years ago, having our own families and actually maybe just settle, stop this "atleast 3-times-a-week-visit-to-the-bar" (nowadays i'm actually sober though...), we laughed at ourselves getting older and also how our thoughts were just a few years back and now we were watching other mothers with their children at the playground, and maybe picturing ourselves in their position. it was just something in everyones eyes this summer as we sat as single girls having picnic in the grass watching those moms...

i actually felt like i was about to write about something tonight in the blog but i turned as usual into nothing really. nevermind, thats me. now cigarette and coffee. amen.

reflections...

Been quite some time since i wrote anything at all here. Almost two months. Been hectic since the opening of Threehouse, a lot to learn, but most came just naturally, a lot of work and quite a lot to think about since i am here alone. Many different nationalities has already stayed here and many persons has become memorable. I can see that different countries have certain ways of acting, without saying people are different from country to country, but i can see different ways of behavior and being social and of course from there people have different personalities.

i have been happy lately, i have succeeded to actually do something in life, and i would like to think it is quite of a big thing. thanks to having such a wonderful person as ernesto helping me out i have come more far in 1 year of my life than struggling back and forth for years in depression. i have learned that i can do, and that i dont necessarily need to fail.




Labour-day... tiny tiny raindrops falling from the sky, like the mist from a spray-bottle, the wind catches it and blows it onto my skin. Cooling.


Not the best morning in life to wake up, i woke up late from probably turning off the alarm in my sleep since i did set it before bed last night. i was supposed to wake up at 5am, E was going fishing but instead i woke up at 7.30. Fail. i hope he went anyway and caught a lot of fish and enjoyed his day , he didnt say anything this morning...

i had a hard time falling asleep last night even though i need every minute of sleep i can get. i was up for a long time listening to the footsteps of the guests walking back and forth on the wooden floors upstairs. it was as if they were louder than ever before, penetrating my ears together with my mind and body that has been bubbling and sparkling with love and a dash of anxiety. i feel like i want to say something, i think its understood already, but i feel like i need to say it, express and explain my feelings, hopefully without making a mess. and that is what im afraid of. i would like to ask something...


Earlier this week i was suppose to get a guy working here but it didnt happen, ernesto explained to me though that he had been watching him and saw that he was actually quite lazy and also not so very good in english so in the end it would have been just a waste of time and money. even though i get a worker i will stay here on spot most of the time. hopefully i get just a little bit more of sleep and maybe some time to myself going outside the building. hehe, after not going outside for 2 months it starts messing with your head a little if you get a bit tired and weak (especially when catching a cold and getting fever at the same time), the combo is just strange and a bit scary since you are dealing with people, money, bookings... but i went through it! :) and what was the saying... what doesnt kill you, makes you stronger. last night ernesto told me that there are 2 girls coming here to work for two months. one will be put in tracks and one here. we were looking for a guy to put here actually but it has to work for now. ernesto made fun of the fact that it is a girl and the very local way with girls here so i will become "sister", my god(!), haha. i know about it too well already, a bit strange but flattering the first time it happens but when it becomes more frequent its just, i dont know what it is. i say, -girl, i aint your sistah, im your boss lah. hehe. i hope it will work out, yup it will, just keep the line....

it is like 28 days until my mom and brother gets here. quite exciting. i hope i can bring my mom out a little. i promised to bring her to massage, hopefully i could bring her together with ernesto and maybe some of the other guys. i know she would love that. ernesto means a lot to her.

if today was in normal life it would feel like a sunday... im finishing the chocolate ice-cream me and E was sharing last night, feeling a bit down of the failure this morning, the street is quiet outside, threehouse is quiet, all the guests went out except for the guys of the italian and swedish couple.

maybe i go clean a little.

Happy Birthday to me and Threehouse

the best and biggest birthday and opening. i love us THREE, i love ernesto for helping me out and making me believe in myself, my dreams and that i am capable of doing whatever i want in life.

(mamma, klicka på bilderna så ser du hela bilden)




the THREE
i had no idea they had a cake for me, i do not understand how they hide it for me






ernesto and i

To mom

Hej mamma. Här är lite bilder på hur det ser ut nu. Jag hoppas att du kan komma o bo här snart med mig. Kram.

Three

Threehouse is about to open for the public. This whole project has been a journey in all kinds of ways, mentally, physically... Sometimes i have wondered what on earth did i walk into, sometimes i have felt so freaking alone, sometimes i have cried, both of happiness and being sad, sometimes i have been so excited imagining about this place being finished. This is a very big step in my life. We all grow and shape into different persons in life, we fall on our way and there are many paths to walk but there is only one present life. I feel like i am on a good path now... I still remember how we put that first paint on the wall here and i started rolling the roller on the walls, through the corridors, i can remember how many times some of the walls have been repainted, haha, gosh. Gone shopping air-conds, beds, plywood, lists, balls, sunflowers and what not with ernesto and robin, i have learned a lot about watching the guys do construction, tried helping out with assisting and run for tools i did not even know existed before this. I have learned through elvin the electrician how i should face someone working for me and hopefully i can put that into practise more when the next time comes around. I have grown quite a lot through this time of construction. I have dealt with facing my inner demons, i have accepted that i can not go living in the past (im sure i will have some more downs in the future but if i compare myself dealing with it now with then and i have come much more mature), i have learned that i have two very precious people around me putting a dream of mine into reality. This project could not have been done without the guys, days and nights they have spent their time here working. I want to say that these are my dear friends. It has been us Three here together from the start and so it will be... i love this, the guys, i love Threehouse...because Borneo, is my hooome :D

progress

So i haven't really been updating that much about the construction here and how it's going so i thought of putting up some pictures for you...


this is the communal room which is more or less finished. now its just putting up some curtains and pictures on the walls...


this is the entrance and how it looks like now. these orange doors will be put aside completely when opening.

this is part of how the lobby looks like, almost done. just some pictures a mat and stuff that will be put up... and a cover for the elctric thingy on the wall will be built, because its damn ugly relaxing your eyes on that at the moment. hehe

chop chop

Yesterday i went to indonesia again, my second time now. everything went smooth but i cant help getting this nervous feeling of going through the borders. even though the risk of getting neglected of coming back aint too high there could be a chance. the officer at the indonesian border said maybe next time i have to stay a night there. i dont want. then i rather fly somewhere else and stay since i guess i will be doing it alone.

after the border we went to the border town serian for kolo mee lunch and then the guys went fishing a few hours, when coming back to kuching we went for foot and body massage which was definatly something i needed for a time now. unfortunately i fell asleep in a very bad position last night and could hardly move my neck when i woke up this morning, so typical hehe.

its been some really nice days here with the starting of the new year. been spending them with robin and ernesto which has been nice. we have been eating good food (and lots of oranges), taking it easy...

the church bell is ringing 6pm now and the dogs are howlin. one hour left until darkness. i better go to the atm and take out that last hundred bucks and have something to eat... later!

Touching up, it's a new start

Just some minor things to fix before Threehouse is about to open. Touch ups here and there, finish the shower downstairs, waiting for the last (for this time) delivery of things as kitchen cabinets and such, touching up a bit here and there, do decoration and clean and clean and clean... Tomorrow will be a lot of cleaning to do, tonight after painting the wall (of hell) to the top floor i just had the energy to clear away stuff and boil some pasta for dinner ´til my head felt slightly numb and i decided a night of sleep and an early wake-up to do the mopping of the floors will be better.

On the 14th i can't do any sort of work since it is chinese new-year. It is bad luck cleaning and such during this day, it's like sweeping away your luck sort of and you must also put away your brooms and whatever out of sight, you can also not go to sleep this day, night. So it is a lot to do before this in cleaning way, i have also noticed how the chinese in my neighborhood are preparing for the new-year by painting their facade and cleaning, it is quite a nice feeling with it. It's so far away from what it is back in sweden-home. This year i think i will by some oranges to decorate with, it is like a luck symbol, like gold for fortune and good luck in the coming year which is the year of the tiger. Red is also a color to be used during this time of the year (the chinese new year is celebrated for 15 days if i remember it correct), it is a lucky and happy color which is also believed scaring away bad spirits like the mythological beast called Nien that comes around during spring time, new year to scare especially children and it is said that Nien was once scared away by a child wearing red. There are many legends about the Nien. One is that it was caught by by Hongjun Laozu - the leader of the Taoist Immortals and teacher of the Three Purities. Hongjun Laozu – whose name means "The Great Primal Homogeneity" – then uses the (former) monster as his mount, i.e. rides it as one would a horse.

one type of a Nien statue

The new year is supposed to be a new starting, so many people get new clothes and many girls go the hair-dresser, it is impossible getting appointments at this time, i have saved one red dress i never wore before which i think i will wear one of these nights and i will go and by some new cheap red tops and maybe a new pair of jeans for me so i don't necessarily have to wear black. i would also like to put up a couple of lanterns or chinese welcoming scripts on paper for good spirits and paint my facade in red but if there is time doing so i don't know. And you never know if the rain decides to pour down a whole day...

Anyway, time to sleep. It's a whole day of work waiting for me... good night 晚安

pampered

so after some hours of cleaning i decided to go to Tribal Remedy. For a long time i've been curious on trying out the fish-spa. So today i did and that was freakin weird! haha. I paid some fish to eat on my feet and legs, which sort of make me fish food... I had some minutes of tickling and then i went in for my facial treatment with detox and had myself a foot massage at the same time. I was totally out and slept about two hours at the place, they told me i should come more often since i seem tired. haha, mmmm.

this is how the fish-spa looks like, can't really take pictures of having facial since you are wearing a mask with your eyes covered and lying down...





hi, i'm j and i'm tired


they are so scary and many. and it tickles like mad.