Fail!

Reading through my blog and i dont like the fact that something i wrote before didnt come out the way it was supposed. Or the writing was right, but what i meant and felt came out wrong in an attempt of describing how past can make you scared feeling for something new, even if its not necessary. but memories of as in this case a relation with a man make you think of how much it came to cost... Even i misunderstood it just now. Jaja... FAIL!

Last night i think i slept better than i have in a long time. My dreams took me places where i could feel peace. I was by the water, i was in the deep jungle and at the same time i was lying down in that same position i fell in sleep holding you.

Tonight i listen to a song i dont know the name of. This song has come to mean quite some for me. This song is 12 floors above the ground, this song is meeting you, this song is throwing paper planes out into the night, watching the white silhouettes fly like contrasts in the dark, this song is hide and seek behind beds, this song is love and peace within myself, this song is dreams and belief, this song is you, this song is you and me in the car, this song is me feeling happiest in the world yet so scared i want to burst out in tears asking myself what if i dont come back again. This song is us kissing good-bye, this song is that i came back and i made it. this song is that im here and so are you.

And the tunes are going jazzy... Moon dreams with Miles Davis. ah its nice and so is Thelonious Monk´s Ruby, my dear. I dont know who Ruby might have been, but its a beautiful song by a fantastic jazz-pianist and composer.


I remember how i used to sit and listen to these records all nights long. Pointing out my favourite parts and dream away to other places, pretend my world in black and white as from an old movie, pour up my glass with wine and enjoy a dream of getting away before "the ghosts would drag me down that hole" (early writing i still have in my head). And where am i know? Im so far away, i got to the other side of the earth, but it aint in black and white. Its very colorful and its here, right now, every heartbeat is red because this is real. A dream yet unfulfilled is that piano, the day i can get myself a piano, that day... wow. hee hee. Bindi, very happy.

And thats all for tonight folks. i leave you with a little piece of one of the best documentaries of Monk i watched some years ago... (if it seems interesting you can watch the other parts on youtube)