Fresh

I had my first hot shower in this building tonight. I showered two times. ha ha. and i feel so good. so fresh and relaxed now. it's so easy to take things for granted as an example, sweden, hot showers, washing/machine, dryer... i've done my laundry by hand since august and let it sun dry. and tonight i had my first hot shower in this building. i sat in the shower until i got raisin fingers and i felt like i was about to faint. i scrubbed my body twice, i brushed my teeth twice and flossed aswell. it feels like i got to wash off a lot of mental stress and the bad energy ran down the drain. i feel good. like a mental blockage was stuck on my skin, i did not feel very beautiful anymore, but its like i blossomed out again. i want to fall asleep and wake up to a new day. seeing you.

maybe some things happen by a reason. i got a wake up call the other day. i fell like from a cliff down on rocks. it hurt like hell. i was going down with my thoughts deeper to the darkness, that point where i have always fell down like before and become a tyrannic monster against myself. but before i got too deep even if i was deep enough i got slapped in my face and realized the outer world which also was getting affected. this is the first time i ever got out of it this quick. i'm sad for what happened and i'm scared i got more far from someone that has become precious, someone that has offered me everything and more than that. but this person is still there, here and i can't express how thankful and happy i am. maybe there was a reason. i would like to see it as a wake up call where i don't need to look back anymore, just live in that happiness i can with these persons around me, no more need for worries...

i'm sitting in the late night yet again and i feel its time for sleep. i feel peace tonight.